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I have had a pretty significant health scare in the person I love most in the world, which is when most people start praying their little BLEEPS off. I have been no different. I am talking about dropping to my knees whenever I feel real panic, and it does help.
One of the things that is useful for the religious and hard for the rest of us who lack faith and are skeptical of the structure is the lack of imagery or scripture or history. If the structure and symbolism appeals to you, Dear Reader, by all means pursue it as a result of reading this blog. I am writing this in part because the rigidity of modern religion left me feeling left out, rather than welcomed in, and I know many of us feel the same.
So far, the best I can offer in terms of useful symbolism and structure is this - I liken Good (or God, if you are inclined to call it that) to the sun. It’s always there, burning bright, unrelenting and available if we just turn toward it. Day or night, it remains, even when we cannot see it or feel it. Now, I recognize some ancient cultures were sun worshipers. I do not want or need a modern day temple erected in order to pursue my version of faith. I just needed a constant reminder that Good (or God) is available to me and the sun was always there as a reminder.
I have written before about how faith can serve us when really bad things happen, because I have already lived through some pretty sad, heartbreaking stuff in the midst of this writing experiment. Faith that my future would be better has kept me going, even when I was losing love, friends, opportunities. That is the driving force of having purpose and faith - we can weather all storms in the name of inspiration and belief.
But this, this is a next level test, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t scared. I don’t know what will happen next, but that has always been the case. Faith isn’t the state of being fearless, it is a tool to soften the fear. I also believe that the more I believe in Good (or God) and pray for a positive outcome, the more likely it is to happen in the long run. There are no promises, and this is going to sound insane, but I now believe my faith, prayer, and positive energy is like directing the energy of the sun at my problems, even when they do not turn out the way I imagined or expected.
So, you are along with me on this journey, Dear Reader, and I never imagined I would face the trials I already have. I am so grateful I was in a place of challenging myself to have real faith at a time like this, and I do not believe that is an accident.